I took my brace and arm sleeve off last night and looked at myself in the mirror before showering and literally bursted out laughing. My left arm, which sat on the beach yesterday completely engulfed by the bionic arm and the sleeve, is white as a ghost. My right arm and the rest of my body, which had the luxury of bathing in the 90+ degree sun for several hours, is a crisp dark tan color. The appearance of the pale left arm juxtaposed with the tan summertime look of the rest of my body certainly is odd and funny looking.
After a good laugh, I turned sideways in both directions to examine myself in the mirror. The laughing quickly ceased. My left arm is considerably smaller than my right arm. It looks as if my right arm is the property of a healthy 21 year old college athlete who spends time in a weight room, and my left arm is the property of a 14 year old boy who is just hitting puberty and is in that in between stage between baby fat and adult muscle.
It explained a lot. Over the course of time since I first received the bionic arm and fastened it on my arm, I've begun to realize that I require the Velcro on the brace to be affixed tighter than the days previous. I've been readjusting it more during the day, continually reapplying the Velcro because it becomes too lose. But last night was the first time I realized the physical evidence as to why this is occurring.
It is quite apparent that my muscles are beginning to go into a very early stage of atrophy. With the onset of the injury and ensuing surgery, I have done very little in terms of exercise and attention to the muscular system of my left arm in recent past. At physical therapy the most attention we've given to the muscles in terms of weighted exercise is with a small pink one pound dumbbell. I've been the butt of several jokes at physical therapy...a 21 year old that struggles to do forearm curls with a pink dumbbell the size of a ballpoint pen.
The aspect of my muscles decreasing in size is not something to be alarmed about. In fact, it is very much expected to occur under the circumstances of the situation. However, it is yet another stress-filled obstacle that is part of the entire overall process of the recovery. I don't only have to worry about elbow flexibility. I don't only have to worry about elbow strength. I don't only have to worry about wrist flexibility. I don't only have to worry about shoulder stability. I don't only have to worry about cleanliness of the scars. But now it is extremely apparent that I have to worry about the upkeep and rebuilding of every single muscle in my left arm.
The standstill of the progression is another frustrating aspect of Tommy John rehabilitation. Its not like a typical injury, where you have a very apparent and quick recovery. With Tommy John, everyday you wake up you may feel better. But its extremely minute. A friend and former college teammate of mine who had the same operation described it very well...it is as if my arm is healing like molasses falls from a tree. There is certainly reason for being optimistic, but there is also certainly reason for frustration. It is mostly a matter of what you make of your current predicament, and the outlook that you are able to have for the future.
I noted in a previous post that the attention received from wearing the bionic arm 24/7 isn't always a fun experience. I am in the Hamptons for the weekend to celebrate my girlfriend's grandfather's 75th birthday, and there are a lot of family members here to celebrate as well (I feel odd calling them "in-laws" because she is my girlfriend not my wife, but in concept that is who is here). My girlfriend has a large extended family that is very close to each other, so last night was filled with lots of loud Italians, pasta and alcohol. It was extremely festive and fun, with somewhere near 50 family members all enjoying the outdoor event in the beach environment of the Hamptons. But with the large crowd also came the standard questions for yours truly..."What happened?", "Does it hurt?", "Can you move it?", etc. I answered each and every question the same way, politely and respectful, and displayed the scar for those who were curious enough to see it.
These particular situations are not all that bad though, depending on your patience level. A lot of my girlfriend's cousins are young kids, under the age of ten, and are incredibly gullible. When I tell them that the doctors wanted to do a medical test and see if they can make me like Ironman, their eyes open wide. I explain to them that the doctors put a "metal thing" in my muscles and are hoping that after I heal, I become the strongest guy in the world. The reactions are priceless...some of them are wide-eyed like I'm a celebrity, some start crying out of fear that I'm going to beat them up. For some reason though, they all believe me.
My physical therapy session on Friday was much of the same from the previous sessions. We did the same exact exercises as we did on Wednesday, not desiring to progress too quickly. The exercises were still difficult, but are becoming easier by the day. We measured my range of motion with extension and once again I made an improvement, being only five degrees away from completely straight. I am hoping that by the end of this week I will be able to completely straighten the arm, although as I've mentioned in the past, you can never know how the arm will react on a daily basis. Flexing the arm in a curling motion is becoming much easier, which allows for daily activities to become more normal as well. The biceps muscle had been so non-existant in the immediate days following the operation that the contracting of the muscle has been a bit painful. However, it is quickly improving and beginning to feel almost back to normal.
My next physical therapy session is Tuesday evening, when I make the unfortunate drive back to reality from the Hamptons. Until then, I'll continue to enjoy my vacation time watching everyone swim in the ocean while I sit on the beach. I'll eat a lot of seafood, be merry with my "in-laws" and keep telling little kids I am some sort of bionic medical experiment.
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