Finding My "Flow State"

I received a text message over the weekend from a friend who graduated from my school last year. She is now attending Springfield College in Massachusetts, working towards receiving a Masters of Science in Athletic Counseling. Being that we have spoken several times since she graduated, she is well aware of my injury and the ensuing rehab process. There have been a few times where I've vented my frustrations to her, in hopes that she could help me out in some way. 


As most psychologists know, a client often times believes that his or her counseling session will come fully loaded with some sort of magic potion that cures every problem that is brought up during conversation. I was no different when speaking with my friend from Springfield College, or anyone else that I've discussed my frustrations with for that matter. Only when I received advice in return, it didn't come with any magic potion. In fact, it often times doesn't really make sense to me at all right away. The concepts of long-term focus and maintaining what is known as a "flow state" were things that I couldn't grasp...I wanted to know WHY these feelings were happening to me, and I wanted them fixed ASAP!


As most sane people know, psychologists certainly don't have the power to cure problems. In fact, it is their job to provide sound professional analysis that enables an individual to garner up some sort of motive to overcome whatever stresses that they feel require them to seek out this therapeutic treatment. 


When my friend texted me over the weekend, she asked me if she could interview me for a paper she would be submitting to a professor. I said no problem, of course, being that she's helped me in the past and she is a friend. Once we worked through our equally busy schedules, we determined that last night would be a good time for us to commence.


After joking around for a few minutes via our Skype session, the talk began. Much of the focus centered around the emotional feelings I have during my physical therapy, and how I am able to overcome the frustrations that come with the process. I spoke about taking everything one day at a time and setting simple goals for yourself. Then she brought up my outlook for the future- how I see myself performing as I continue to progress closer and closer to being able to once again pitch. I told her that while I was nervous, I can already sense the "normal" feelings creeping back in. When I am throwing off a mound and envisioning things just as they were pre-Tommy John, all of the senses that I previously had experienced so commonly quickly rushed back to the forefront of my mind.


The next point was tied into that idea. She brought up the concept of a "flow state". Being that baseball is such a skills-oriented sport and a sport that requires so much focus, the mental comfort zone becomes crucial for an individual to reach in order to be able to continually be successful at one's craft for an extended period of time. For me, my "flow state" comes when I am on a mound pitching live to a batter. That is the situation where I find myself most comfortable. I get into a rhythm mechanically, physically and mentally. Once I am able to realize that oh-so-familiar rhythm, the art of pitching instantly becomes simplified. I mentioned the movie For The Love Of The Game in the Skype interview last night, bringing up Kevin Costner's act of "clearing the mechanism". While the entire crowd doesn't suddenly fade into a blurred horizon for me like it does in the movie, that makes sense conceptually. That rhythm...that "flow state"...allows for me to simplify pitching to the point of it being one easy process- I rock back, and I throw the ball. Nothing else matters, and nothing else is a worry. 100% of my attention is given to what I'm doing.


I had never heard the term "flow state" before last night, and while I understood what it meant I couldn't really find a good way to translate that into my everyday life, especially now that I am rehabbing. When I arrived at practice this afternoon with my team, I took a catcher to the bullpen and completed my necessary throwing for the day. I threw four-seam fastball after four-seam fastball, just as I have done for the last several weeks. While I certainly got in a mechanical rhythm during my bullpen session, I couldn't come to believe that I was in any type of "flow state". What I was doing just wasn't natural to me. My body and my mind didn't sync. 


After my prescribed bullpen pitches, I was instructed to throw 30 pitches in batting practice to my teammates. Because we have a conference series beginning tomorrow, my head coach decided it would be beneficial to have this batting practice session treated as a scrimmage- each ball would be played live off the bat.


I trotted out to the rubber mat in front of the pitcher's mound after I was done in the bullpen, just in time for the live BP game to begin. In stepped one of my teammates, who set his feet and got into his stance. I peered in at the catcher as though I was looking for a sign, even though everyone in the park knew I was just going to groove a throw over the plate for him to hit. I raised my arm up and released the ball. A split second later, my teammate swung and roped a hard one-hop groundball to the shortstop. The ball was fielded and thrown across the diamond in time for the out.


My mind came alive. It's been almost a year since I've thrown a ball to a batter swinging live. I heard the ting of the bat and the whiz of the ball speeding past me. I watched as my teammate gracefully made the play in a fluid fashion, and retrieved the ball from the third baseman after it was thrown around the infield.


I coasted through my remaining 29 pitches without much thought of anything else in the world. Sure, I got hit...a lot. After all, that's the point of batting practice. The result of my session didn't matter to me. What mattered was gaining back that feeling once again.


I dearly miss that "flow state". I want so badly to be able to toe the rubber and relive that feeling once more...that euphoric sense of freedom and control. And while the batting practice session today didn't provide me with the "flow state" that I so yearn to get back to, it provided me with a feeling that was closer to it than any I've had since this entire experience began. And with the recognition of being a part of a semi-real baseball game in the form of a batting practice scrimmage amongst teammates, I begin to sense that I am getting THAT much closer to reliving that "flow state" I desire.


My interview last night was with the intention to benefit a friend with her graduate school assignment. But in the end, what I got out of it was a term that will remain with me throughout my entire baseball career into the future- a "flow state". The odyssey of baseball is a miraculous road, one filled with many adventures. It's up to me to embrace the opportunity to continue on living those adventures...and doing so in the most idyllic fashion...in my perfect "flow state".