Carpe Diem

Back in August when I was still in the bionic arm I wrote a blog post entitled "Learning Curve of the Disabled List" (http://joshherzenberg.blogspot.com/2011/08/learning-curve-of-disabled-list.html). In this post, I stated that it is human nature to be increasingly attracted to something that directly affects your livelihood or well-being, and then went into detail about the observations I'd made about the medical aspect of Tommy John Surgery and the resulting physiological effects. That learning curve that I went into such detail about has not disappeared. I still very confidently say that I am about 100 times more knowledgable with the entire process than I was before I injured myself. Obviously, there is optimism in every one of life's events, it is just a matter of an individual's effort to seek out this optimism and exploit it.

The past several blog posts I've written have had a relatively negative connotation. Whether that be because of a particular frustrating event or just general impatience and self-pity, the overall essence of the posts have been fairly pessimistic. I don't necessarily think that the overall gloominess of my writing is a bad thing, because I really am just expressing my feelings. But I do feel that sometimes the emotions that I am portraying are not all truthful, and I don't want that to happen. I do feel everything I express, but the entire experience isn't all negative. What I've found is that the experience goes far beyond the frustrations of being restrained or the exhilaration of moving onto another step in rehab. Tommy John recovery is all consuming in life, and my best advice to a person is to attempt to maximize the experience in a positive way.

My current predicament is somewhat unorthodox in that the timing of the injury has left me with several tough decisions. Initially the decision had to be made if I was going to go through with the operation at all...the racing thoughts of "is it worth it" and the numerous people playing Devil's Advocate for me from both ends of the spectrum. Once I decided to go on with the surgery, the dedication had to be made. I needed to commit myself to getting myself situated for the future- the time when I am finally completed with the rehab and ready to get back on the mound. The only problem was, of course, I'd be unable to pitch for my school this spring. I sent out dozens of emails and make tons of phone calls to the NCAA, compliance officers and college coaches. And after all of the effort, my future is somewhat clearer. I WILL be pitching for another school next year while working towards a Master's degree. Where I will be pitching remains a mystery, as that is solely based upon the admissions decisions for each respective graduate program. But wherever I do get accepted, there is a roster spot waiting for me on the other side. That much is certain.

With the security of a roster spot to continue pitching at the NCAA level, I knew I needed to get to work. I have only one year of collegiate eligibility left, and I need to dedicate myself 100% to ensuring that my future team will find themselves an individual that happens to be a very successful left-handed pitcher.

That aforementioned learning curve has come into the forefront of my mind in recent months. The time that I have been granted to sit back and observe has assisted my development as a "baseball mind" in more ways than I could ever imagine. Viewing the game objectively is brilliantly difficult and yet strikingly brilliant. It is a craft that is so oft-ignored and not seen that its value is rather intangible. And yet the expansion of my abilities in such matters has reached incredible matters. I see things with the game in front of me that I haven't ever been able to notice in the past. I am able to watch video of myself from the past and pick apart improper habits and begin to cognitively mold them into felicitous tendencies. I am able to observe other players and take aspects of their abilities and begin to form them into my own.

I am mentally evolving myself as I continue through the rehabilitation and becoming a smarter baseball player for it. The injury is perhaps a blessing in disguise in certain circumstances after all. I have had a good amount of success in my career in the recent past and haven't put as much thought into my own mechanics and propensity for careless habits. This injury has not only given me the time to complete this introspection, but it also has afforded me the opportunity to be hammered with a deep profound humility. My entire existence as an athlete up to this point has been based upon building off my own successes and not addressing my weaknesses. Now that a weakness has been exploited physically, I have the ability to attack it fully and in due time.

The movement of pure meta-cognizance on my part can be directly contributed to the resources that have been made available to me as well. I cannot say enough about the network of people that I have accumulated and the amazing support they have given to me. The support has gone beyond the moral reinforcement, what I like to call the "Lean On Me"-esque treatment. It has expanded into something so profoundly beneficial that the adaption I am making to my current juncture has been directly correlated with such resources. People from literally all corners of the world have provided me with concrete advice that I have taken into account and put into practice with what I continue to cultivate. Informational tidbits that will make me a better pitcher than I ever have been.

I am hopeful that this mental training and effort that I have been putting in turns out to be as beneficial as it seems to be. I tend to be a visionary person and I envision marvelous things in my future, all of which are contributed to by this mental evolution.

Optimism sure can be tough to find sometimes, but I think I may have located it with respect to my Tommy John Surgery. And being that I only have one year of collegiate eligibility remaining, I might as well try to seize the day.